The Lunch Lady is a man disguised as a lunch lady who flies the N.E.R.D.S. rocket, called "The School Bus." Also loves cooking, cleaning his bazooka, and knife fighting with terrorists. Real name is currently unknown. In the fifth book he is promoted to principal of Thomas Knowlton Middle School, and becomes director of N.E.R.D.S. after Agent Brand retired. It is also revealed that he is Irish.